A Prayer for George

Yesterday, the weather blossomed into a full-out spectacle of sunshine and warmth. Determined not to take the day for granted, I headed down to the Senedd building and followed the water past the Norwegian Church to the barrage.

It was absolutely gorgeous, the sun setting while people buzzed around the grassy expanse, completely engrossed in their own lives.
As I walked back toward Mermaid Quay, a security guard wearing a bright yellow vest asked me how my walk was. I replied that it was nice and was ready to continue walking, but he kept tossing questions at me. On question four or five ("What's someone from Ohio doing here?"), he pointed to the little picnic table by the water and said, "Let's sit down."

Slightly uncomfortable, I sat and soon became engrossed in studying him. He spearheaded the conversation, not giving me a chance to guide our talk. His apparent appetite for control frightened me, but he did have some interesting thoughts.

"I support America!" he laughed, pulling out an American Express card.

He asked me if I went out a lot; I replied that I am pretty much broke and tend to stay in. He told me he got in to most clubs for free because the employees have known him for years.

Then he asked me out.

Let me give you some background information. This man has whiting gray hair and a face heavily lined with cynicism. He reminds me of my Portuguese Uncle Bill, who has a macho, gruff facade. Only the security guard lacks my uncle's shimmering heart of gold poking out from beneath the shadowed mask.

I turned him down, and he began to spiral into a very dark place.

He kept saying that the world was "hell around every corner"- but I couldn't know that because I am too young. He's 54, and he knows how horrible the world is.

I told him we make the world what we want it to be; we can't control everything that happens to us, but we can control how we respond. We make our own happiness.

He said that was bull shit. It takes money to find happiness. Maybe I need comfort, and that's why I say we control our lives. I couldn't possibly understand about the real world.

He's right- I haven't faced the real world consistently, day in and day out. But I have faced hell, once or twice. I've experienced cruelty that has dug its talons so deep into my soul that those scars still seem like open wounds.

Yet I am still happy and live a fulfilling life.

A couple walked by, the man staggering in front of us, grinning, "Where's the camera? Now, there's love!"

I blushed, and the security guard barked, "My daughter!"

The woman grasped the man and said, "Oh, excuse him, he's been drinking."

"Scum of the earth," the security guard rasped.

I began to leave, saying it was nice to meet him... he told me not to lie, to tell it "as it is", judging me to truly hate him. What he didn't realize is that while I seek beauty and happiness and joy in life, I do not abhor or shy away from its other aspects, such as pain and bitterness. I do not hate experiences because they do not bring me joy; the only experiences I hate are those which leave me disconnected from humankind.

My conversation with the security guard connected me to him; for a brief time, our worlds brushed together, and I tasted that coppery human connection in the raw form of human emotion expressed.

He looked right into my eyes and murmured, "And you didn't even have the decency to ask me my name."

Well, he hadn't asked mine.

"You could have said, 'George, what's your name?'"

"So, your name's George. It was nice to meet you, George."

"You go home and say that in the mirror, look at your lips," he snarled. "Most people, when they say it, their lips purse romantically or aggressively."

"Well, that explains it," I responded, extending my hand to shake his.

"See what you're doing? You're trying to make contact. Why are you doing that? I don't want to make contact, not with how I'm feeling!"

I pulled my hand back and asked, "Well, how would you like to say goodbye, then?"

"Pray for me," he said.

And so, George, I do. I pray you find that calm side of life, where the water meets the sunset and the warmth spills around you and there is only one word for what you experience: happiness.